Livin’ on a Prayer

8 Jul

As I walked down the metal staircase in the warehouse of my workplace yesterday afternoon, carefully placing each step in my wedge sandals so that I would not fall, I lightened up my pace as the familiar lyrics of Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer” blasted through the worker’s sound system.  I immediately began to sing along quietly (I don’t want to scare anybody with my pitchy voice, okay?!) to a song that normally brings me joy.

This time, however, I processed the words more deeply after a moment and related them to my life; which has been pretty troubled lately.

Once upon a time

Not so long ago

Tommy used to work on the docks

Union’s been on strike

He’s down on his luck… it’s tough, so tough

Well, this portion makes me think of Hubby – a great guy who always seems to struggle with work and what he’s going to do with his life.  He’s had such bad luck with getting and keeping  jobs pretty much the entire 6 years we have been married…

Gina works the diner all day

Working for her man, she brings home her pay

For love – for love

Now, we cut to the part of the song that describes my frustration.  I am Gina.  I have been the bread winner and continue to be the constant provider job-wise (having stayed in the same position and same company for going on 4 years now, regardless of my wishes to one day have more and climb further toward my dreams).

She says: We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got

‘Cause it doesn’t make a difference 

If we make it or not

We’ve got each other and that’s a lot

For love – we’ll give it a shot

We’re halfway there

Livin’ on a prayer

Take my hand and we’ll make it – I swear

Livin’ on a prayer

Okay, these two verses describe how, during troubles like this earlier in our marriage, I would still try to remain somewhat optimistic and pray with Hubby, having faith that things would get better.

Tommy got his six string in hock

Now he’s holding in what he used

To make it talk – so tough, it’s tough

Gina dreams of running away

When she cries in the night

Tommy whispers: Baby it’s okay, someday

We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got

‘Cause it doesn’t make a difference

If we make it or not

We’ve got each other and that’s a lot

For love – we’ll give it a shot

Now we’re to the part that describes my state of mind now (off and on for about the past year) – defeated.  Gina wants to run away and sometimes I too think that’s the answer.  “Tommy”/Hubby tries to reassure me that as long as we are together, we can get through anything.  I hear him but don’t truly believe him anymore.  Time has shown me that patterns repeat and habits don’t go away, but still I stay.  Why?  Because I do love him and deep down I want to believe that, by some wonderful chance, our lives could be better and we can prove all odds wrong.

We’re halfway there

Livin’ on a prayer

Take my hand and we’ll make it – I swear

Livin’ on a prayer

We’ve got to hold on ready or not

You live for the fight when it’s all that you’ve got

   How much fight does one have in them?  Where does faith end and action have to take over?  I’m not sure about anything and I guess that’s what troubles me most right now.  I took vows 6 years 28 days ago in front of family and friends that I don’t want to take back.  But, I feel like I am losing my mind!!!  We have had our ups and downs regarding finances, emotions and job losses over the years and I know that no relationship is perfect.  I just want to know that there is relief in sight.

Sorry.  Leave it to me to let my problems compound into one giant nightmare and vent it out in frustration.  And, now I have managed to pick apart one of my favorite songs by my favorite artist and I’m sure I will never be able to listen to the song again the same way…

Off I go now, livin’ on a prayer…

One Response to “Livin’ on a Prayer”

  1. trininista July 9, 2011 at 8:21 am #

    Hey you. You’re allowed to have frustrations and even feel hopeless. Noone will blame you for that. As the song says, you’re halfway there – just keep the faith!

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